I remember playing this game when I was a kid and being really disappointed because all you could do was race and you couldn’t walk around Tatooine.

…

That’s all I really remember about the game when I was a kid and when I played it for the N64. But, since my N64 is currently in the possession of my dad who lives in Florida, I recently went out and bought the PC version of this game and decided to give it another go, just in time for Retro Revival Week.

So what do I think about this game in the present day? Well…it’s not too bad.

The game starts out promising. You got a bunch of different racers to choose from when you first start. I just went with Anakin because he had the best stats.

The initial races are pretty fun. There are several different planets you can race on, and there are four different tournaments in the tournament mode, so there are four different tracks for each of the planets. No matter what, every race in which you participate in is based off of a three lap system. Additionally, each lap can last from one minute to up to three and half.

The tournament mode can get pretty fun until you get to the semi-pro’s. You can’t choose your level of difficulty in Racer, and if your pod racer isn’t up to date with all of the best parts, you can really take it up the ass in most races. Going 600+ MPH doesn’t really help either.

Since it’s past midnight and I want to go to bed, here’s a handy dandy list of some of the complaints I had with Racer:

1. Your pod racer can’t take a whole lot of damage before it explodes, which is understandable…except for the fact that most race tracks have very small enclosures without a lot of space for maneuvering and there are some near impossible tight turns that you have to make. And did I mention yet that you’re going 600+ MPH?!
2. Your pod racer can randomly explode for no goddamn reason.
3. Some environmental hazards are extremely retarded. There’s one where an earthquake breaks away the race track while you’re going over it. What the crap? How are you supposed to know that happens and how are you supposed to not die at that part?
4. There’s no tutorial and the manual doesn’t help. The pod racer controls take awhile to get used to.
5. Three and a half minute long laps are ridiculous.

And to end this review, I’ll leave you with a story. There was this one race in the Galatic Tournament that I couldn’t beat. Each lap lasted about…you guessed it, three and a half minutes. I did this race twice and lost both times. I tried it again one last time before I would give up, and finally! I’m just about to win!

And then my keyboard fails.

And I crash into a wall.

And I lose.

…

I almost threw my keyboard. Almost. It did warrant a “Son of a bitch!” however.